Negativity: Throw it out

I’m going to be 30 years old this year. Its a little scary but I’ve heard that you have the most fun in your 30s, so I’m definitely looking forward to it. I’ve changed a lot in the last decade, and much of it is attributed to the travelling I’ve done, my friends, and my family.

Since I got back from Switzerland in September last year, so much has changed in my life. People who I thought were always there, left. Friends left the country, and ones that disappeared came back. There were many negatives but they were overshadowed by the positives.

I have always lived my life in a certain way and part of that way is to believe in people. I am a good judge of character and if I don’t click with you instantly, there’s a very good chance I don’t like something about your character. I will never pretend to be friends with you, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t like you, I just prefer to keep you away from my circle. If you’re mature enough, you wouldn’t be offended by that.

I’ve learned how fake people can be the hard way. I still fail to understand how people can act a certain way in front of you but have evil thoughts and intentions hidden behind it. I could never do that. As I said, I’d rather keep by distance from you – why should I pretend that you’re my friend if I don’t consider you one? Neither of us will benefit from it, so why do it? Some people are so full of hate that no matter what you do or say, they will always have a negative interpretation of it because they don’t believe those who are actually genuine. They expect everyone to be fake like they are, which is probably why they find it so difficult to trust others. They will also believe anything negative that is said about you and won’t even try to hear your side of the story.

Screw fake people

My point is, don’t waste your time trying to please people. Go with your gut feeling when it comes to judging character. Its easy to see when someone is genuine or not. Watch their mannerisms and behaviour around others, especially those less fortunate than themselves. If they’re always on their phone when they’re with you but take hours to respond to your message, don’t trust them. Also watch how they interact with people whose backs they talk behind. If you’re not very good at gauging someone’s character, these are good subtle ways in which to do it. If they’re genuine, their behaviour around the same people and things will be uniform no matter when it is.

Genuine people remain genuine, and as I look back now, those people who were nice from the start are still the same way because they have nothing to hide, neither do they have an image they have to maintain. Their eyes, faces, and smiles look the same as it did 20 years ago. Those are the people who truly know who they are.

There are genuine people left in the world, though they are few and far between. Learn to trust them when you find them, because they’re not out to get you. No, really! These are the people that want nothing from you but your company, and might just be that saving grace you needed.

Ditch the fake friends and associates who don’t have your best interests at heart. Life is short so its pointless keeping the negative with you. When something negative happens to me, I completely shut it out of my life. If its a person, I delete their phone number and any means of communication that we may have had, depending on how bad the problem was and whether or not they tried to rectify it. There is no need to continue harping on what happened. If they weren’t willing to rectify the problem, its certainly not worth your time since you obviously didn’t mean all that much to them in the first place. Remember that those people probably played no role in getting you where you are today – all it means is you actually don’t need them in your life.

“Never confuse people who are always around you with people who are always there for you.”

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Different Ideas

So I have this friend that I studied with a few years ago. We were always pretty close but we lost touch for a few years when I changed degrees. We got back in touch recently and its as if nothing has changed. Actually, nothing has. He’s still the same sweet, caring guy I knew then. He still has the same girlfriend too (going on something like 8 years now) and there are still no marriage plans. I wonder sometimes what’s going on.

But anyway, this has made me think a bit. What if you’re in a relationship with someone for that long, and marriage is something you’ve thought about, but haven’t acted on yet? What are you waiting for? I think if that was me, the only reason I would have delayed was if I had a doubt in my mind about whether its something I really want forever. The thought could have been planted by, I think, any of the following:
1. Something your partner did
2. Something you want to do but haven’t because your partner is holding you back
3. Something your partner said or their behaviour towards something
4. Someone else’s views that made you think outside the box

I’m not saying that if your partner did or said something, that it is wrong. I’m saying that if it was something that you didn’t feel good about because of your own personal views, then yes, its good to accept it if you love the person, but at the same time, it may not be something you should ignore. Is it worth living forever with that feeling?

Something I heard from the movie Marley and Me: “Mend it, don’t end it”. Its difficult making decisions like this.

In my friend’s case, I hope he makes the right decision. Personally, I don’t think the girl is right for him. I just hope he doesn’t end up marrying her and ruining his life. Dear friend, think long term. Marriage is not a joke. You’re a good guy, don’t make a decision you know you’re going to regret, especially when there will be children involved.

As for me? Depends. If I was married, I’d try to mend it to the best of my ability. If I wasn’t married, I’d reevaluate everything and if its not worth it, I’d end it. Its better to end it sooner than later, right?